It is common to believe that people who have been married for many years are the most stable couples, from whom breakup is least expected. However, divorce between a man and a woman over 50 is becoming increasingly common. In one case, a quiet, measured life against the backdrop of different interests gradually alienates partners from each other, reducing former feelings to nothing.
Divorce between a man and a woman over 50 is becoming increasingly common.
In another case, a suddenly disrupted habitual way of a quiet family life, namely the emergence of a man’s passion on the side (be it a younger woman, gambling, or worse - alcohol and drugs), also separates people on opposite sides of the barricades. There can be many reasons, but in the end there is only one problem - to survive the loss and start a new life when you no longer want anything at all.
What should a man do if the initiator of the divorce is a woman?
For a woman to decide to divorce at 60 years old is a bold but difficult task. Having lived with her husband for more than 30 years, the wife cannot stand the following situations:
- the husband drinks constantly, the wife no longer has enough patience;
- the husband does not want to take on any responsibility for family relationships. In fact, the head of the family is the woman; she makes all the important decisions. Constant mental stress is tiring. Divorce becomes the only option out of a protracted marriage;
- The wife wants to completely change her life and finds a new partner.
Despite the desire to leave the family, to start life differently, anew, there is no need to rush. You can discuss problems that concern both or one of the spouses. Perhaps it will be possible to save, if not the marriage, then at least friendly relations.
Men experience divorce just as hard as women. They are not used to openly expressing their emotions, so it seems that breaking up a relationship is less tragic for them.
Men who abuse alcohol experience a breakdown in their family life especially hard. If their wife leaves them, they become truly lonely. During sobriety, the ex-spouse remembers happy times spent with his wife and children. This makes it even harder for him.
If a wife has decided to leave her alcoholic husband, she may return in rare cases.
If the husband is passive, the woman also sees a solution in divorce. All a man does is go to work. He stops paying attention to his wife even on holidays. Despite the consequences, divorce at 50 is the only correct option for a woman who has taken on all the worries of the family.
After a divorce, it turns out that the passive spouse is really left alone, and a woman, even after 50, can find a new partner. In such a situation, it may be advisable to devote more time to your spouse, even during a divorce. This will make it easier to get through the difficult moments of separation and think about how to live on.
If you have children together
If you have children together who are already adults and living their own lives, do not be afraid to tell them about what happened. But under no circumstances turn them against their father! Your personal problems should not affect your children. Gather as before at the family table on holidays - they will be very pleased.
If you have minor children together, do not prevent the father from participating in their lives. Let them see each other, communicate, the child should feel the father’s love and receive life experience from him. Whatever happens between you, it is not the child's fault - he loves you both just as much as before, and he needs the attention of both parents.
Remember that we build our own destiny. And if a misfortune happens, you can’t give up and go with the flow - you can survive anything. We need to move on, and time will heal and put everything in its place.
Wife leaves for someone else
How does a man feel after a divorce at 50, when his wife leaves him? Regardless of the reason for the separation, the male half of humanity is very worried about the breakdown of family relationships.
Men are inherently owners. They will be jealous of their spouse at a young and mature age. There is a desire to take revenge on his ex-wife. But, the advice of a psychologist in case of divorce for 50 years is that it is better to forgive and let go of your spouse, to remain in a normal relationship with her. This way, the pain and resentment will go away faster, and the feeling of guilt will not torment you.
Modern men over 50 can and should find the strength to continue living an ordinary life after a divorce that occurred on the initiative of their wife. You can also fall in love, try to start a completely new relationship. Important: you should not try to find the traits of your ex-wife by looking at your new partner. There is no need to rush to reunite to live together. Most often, a quick replacement indicates a desire to annoy the ex-wife.
With any question, especially concerning family relationships, there is no need to rush. Marriage is too serious a thing to make quick, rash decisions.
Try to remain friends
Divorce itself is a complex and expensive process, and if it resembles combat, it will make the situation even worse. If spouses find the strength to treat each other in a friendly manner, then this will only be mutually beneficial.
Leave the hatred outside the courtroom and come to a peaceful agreement. In this way, you can not only save money by attending court hearings as little as possible, but also save your nerves by reaching certain agreements faster. Remember that the divorce will soon end and then be forgotten, so you need to go through all this with dignity.
Marriage after 50 years is dissolved due to the fault of the man
When a husband leaves the family after living with his wife for more than 30 years, it becomes a real blow for a woman. At first, it may seem like life after getting divorced at 50 is over. All women’s experiences about separation can be divided into the following stages:
| Negation | The wife refuses to believe that she was abandoned and hopes that the situation can be corrected. Continues to wait for her husband, does not leave the house, gradually falling into a depressed state |
| Depression | Lost interest in all aspects of life. A woman stops taking care of herself, although she is still attractive |
| Pity with self-love | The love for her ex-husband fades, the woman devotes a lot of time to her appearance. At first she feels sorry for herself, and then comes the stage of falling in love with herself |
| Life after a breakup | The ex-husband wants to return, but the woman is entering a new period. Reconciliation is possible, but a woman looks at family relationships differently. If the divorce has taken place officially, then most likely there will be no return |
Having gone through all four stages of separation, the woman gradually calms down. She is ready for a new relationship. After all, after 50 years, you can live exclusively for yourself. The children are already adults, there is work. All that remains is to take care of yourself, give yourself nice gifts, and travel. It is not necessary to tolerate a drinking or indifferent husband next to you.
On whose initiative is a husband's or wife's divorce most often filed?
Statistics show that the vast majority of divorces are initiated by women.
A man can have an outside relationship for years, not participate in raising children, and still formally remain part of the family. However, for couples who have lived together for decades, the statistics are somewhat different. When the age approaches 50, men often take the initiative to divorce.
Perhaps this is due to a midlife crisis, when, in an attempt to regain lost youth, a man finds a partner younger than himself. Perhaps there is a mercantile component to this: the children are already adults, there is no need to pay alimony, and the man no longer owes his former wife anything.
Regardless of who initiated the breakup, try to break up calmly.
Life after a breakup
Don't despair if a breakup does happen. How to survive a divorce at 50, so as not to bring yourself to a depressed state and continue to live a full life? Think that after breaking up, you will be able to live a different, no less rich life:
- Age after 50 opens up many opportunities. You can travel, make acquaintances, make your life rich in various events;
- there is the possibility of creating new family relationships. Moreover, both women and men after 50 can have a new partner;
- You can open your own business, discover new abilities, or just find something you like.
Regardless of the reason for the divorce and who is more to blame for it, you should not constantly think about it and blame yourself for what happened.
There is no need to play the victim or try to evoke pity from friends and relatives. It’s better to take care of yourself, think about how to improve your life, improve yourself, your living conditions.
In adulthood, divorced spouses will always find something to do. Almost everyone has adult children and even grandchildren. You can get together with them on holidays, or just come to visit. Grandchildren always welcome a visit from their grandparents.
It happens that spouses divorce and go their separate ways. But as time passed, they realized that they still wanted to be together. There is no longer any passion in the relationship, but there are still friendly feelings, sympathy, and a desire to help each other. And the spouses move in to live together again.
Financial planning
It will allow you to get through divorce and lack of money as painlessly as possible, and will also prepare you for the difficult times ahead. But it is very difficult to understand all aspects on your own. It is best to seek help from qualified specialists with extensive experience. They will draw up the most optimal pension plan, advise on available government support programs and talk about possible tax breaks.
In addition, for some married couples, the division of living space is very important. Financial advisors will be able to create an appropriate strategy and choose the best course of action to protect each party from ruin before retirement.
What psychologists advise
Having lived for many years in marriage, it is difficult to survive loneliness. If coping with the situation on your own is problematic, you can turn to specialists. A psychologist’s advice for divorce after 60 years contains the following points:
- Keep a diary where you will write down only bright, positive events or moments that happened during the day. A notebook or notebook for notes must be beautiful and bright;
- in the evenings, read the notes, analyze what happened. It will immediately become noticeable that not everything is so bad, life goes on;
- write down and draw on paper all your most cherished desires. After all, after a divorce there will be a lot of time that can be spent on a dream;
- don’t try to show, prove to your ex-other half that everything is fine with you after breaking up. It’s better to let go and forgive, let each other live their lives. Don't prove that you are better off without your ex-partner. This way, grievances and disappointments will be forgotten faster;
- you need to accept the situation, no matter how difficult it is. You need to plan a new marriage relationship only when the pain from the previous ones has finally subsided.
A mature woman is afraid of being alone for the following reasons:
- considers himself not attractive and young enough;
- she is afraid of offending her children with her new marriage.
But, it's just the opposite. After 50, a woman is still attractive, she has an excellent experience in family relationships. Unlike very young representatives of the fair sex, she is more experienced and knows how to cope with everyday problems. There is no need to exclude the possibility of creating a new family. You can meet a new partner at any age, the main thing is not to dwell on your problems and stop thinking about your broken marriage.
During a divorce, a woman has fears in solving everyday problems. She's afraid she won't be able to handle it. There are still fears that they will not be able to financially provide themselves with a decent living. But, after living alone for some time, abandoned wives understand that not everything is so scary. If you wish, you can learn how to hammer nails and change the mixer.
And you can spend your free time on your favorite activity. If you still don’t have a hobby, then you should start one. There are so many interesting and useful activities: embroidery, knitting, cooking dishes from different countries, communicating with interesting people, reading, learning a foreign language, communicating with children and grandchildren. You can sign up for a swimming pool, go to concerts, attend interesting events held in the city.
It is important to believe that life will definitely get better after a divorce. There is so much time ahead that you can spend exclusively on yourself. Stop constantly thinking about the past, even if there were more positive moments in it. Something new and good will come into your life when you let go of the past.
If your ex-partner shows a reluctance to communicate, don’t force yourself. Intrusiveness will not help you get your ex back, but will only irritate you. Don't drink alcohol to numb your pain. This only helps for a while, and then it becomes even harder. Remember that everything passes, it just takes time. Life will definitely return to its usual or new track. It all depends on your attitude to the situation and your behavior.
Economic difficulties
This is the first thing you will have to face. As the results of sociological research show, divorced people of pre-retirement age experience great financial problems. And every year this demographic group only grows. This is due to low physical abilities, the problem of finding a good and well-paid job, the habit of leading a comfortable lifestyle and a number of other factors.
People living in a civil or legal marriage have a much easier time financially. Full-fledged families have at least two sources of income. It is much easier for them to plan a budget and manage expenses than for single men and women who have gone through a divorce.
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In addition, spouses can take advantage of various government benefits, while divorced people are forced to shoulder a mortgage or rent a home, as well as pay for insurance, which makes them less socially protected. Therefore, it is not surprising that accumulated savings quickly run out and people move below the poverty line.
Look to the future
Learn to meet life changes halfway, even if they are absolutely negative. Any change is a step forward. You have been married for more than 30 years, but a divorce occurred. This is not the end of life, but the beginning of new moments. Perceive the situation in this way. Divorcing a 60-year-old man gives you the opportunity to arrange your life the way you want.
Likewise, a man should not perceive divorce after 60 as a tragedy. You can do what you love, devoting as much time to it as you need. Try to find positive moments in any situation. Think of divorce as a path to freedom, and getting over the breakup will be much easier.
Many divorced couples pay too much attention to public opinion. Sometimes it is because of him that they continue to live with an unloved person. But, there comes a time when the relationship finally becomes obsolete and divorce becomes the only right decision.
Protect yourself from negative communication. Remember that endless complaints and tears do not please others. They may sympathize with you for a while, but then they will avoid such communication. Everyone likes successful, positive people. So be like that. Look to the future, it exists for any age.
