How to forget the ex-wife you love? Practical tips and advice

Divorces in the modern world have long become commonplace. But, despite this, even after dissolving the official marriage and dividing the acquired property, a man may unexpectedly face the problem of how to forget his ex-wife. The time spent by the former spouses together will forever be preserved in their memory. But how to get rid of memories that traumatize the soul?

In appearance, many men look quite stern.
And, although they are more restrained than women, they also worry and get nervous if their family life collapses. Their memories of the children left with their ex-wife are especially disturbing. Now you won't have to see them as often as before. Articles on the topic

Why is it important to know and follow the rules of communication with foreigners?
17.08.2020
Personal non-property relations: features of legal regulation
24.06.2020
An important part of family relationships is the rights of the child in the family.
15.06.2020
Read also: 4 models of inappropriate behavior of a man after a divorce
Why family values are relevant at any time
10.06.2020

Reasons for divorce

All financial issues in the family fall on the shoulders of the man immediately after its formation. First, he must find housing for living together, then manage the house (this does not mean cooking/cleaning/washing/ironing, but purely male duties: fix a broken chair, say, maintain the proper functioning of communications, etc.), buy furniture, food, small utensils. When children appear, the head of the family, of course, must provide for them too; every year a woman requires more attention and money, all this complicates the situation in the house. Many men, unable to cope with problems, seek salvation in alcohol, some even in drugs, others in other women, and all this inevitably leads to divorce and family destruction. Even if the love has not left, the marriage can still be dissolved. And immediately after the divorce, a new wave of problems begins, one of which is how to forget the ex-wife you love.

A woman can find a reason for everything if she wants to get a divorce. For example, there are cases where a marriage was dissolved because of a car, a beloved pet, or even a broken mug. The most common reasons are, of course, infidelity, drunkenness, and assault. Many wives leave their spouses due to the latter's lack of work or due to dissatisfaction with their sex life.

How do men cope after divorce?

CONTENT:

Freedom after a divorce does not always make a man happy; after parting with a woman, it is not easy for him to fit into the usual mainstream of life. The period of separation is conventionally divided into 5 stages of experiences.

Negation. Despite the fact that a man who dreams of freedom while married cannot fully understand the fact of divorce.
Expression of feelings. Anger arises at your former “half” and unfair treatment towards him. More often, this feeling arises among those who are still lonely and deprived of female attention. Internal negative emotions significantly interfere with relationships with loved ones, colleagues or other people.
Awareness and Doubt . When passions subside and the situation begins to be assessed differently, a feeling of guilt sets in and awareness of the mistakes made. At this time, along with the desire to fix everything and save the family, there is a fear of the future and the inability to live as before.
Depression. The man realizes the reality of the whole situation, realizing that sorting things out and blaming his wife is absolutely pointless. Losing faith and hope in their previous relationships, representatives of the stronger sex begin to experience prolonged depression. At this time, he needs the support of a psychologist more than ever.
Humility and consent. Peace of mind sets in, pain and resentment fade into the background. Anger and irritation disappear not only in relation to the divorce, but even in relation to the ex-wife. The man begins to draw conclusions and learns to live independently. An interest in life arises in which new events and people appear.

Is it possible to forget your ex-wife

Forgetting your wife is much more difficult than forgetting your girlfriend. This is due to many factors - you may have children together, friends, acquaintances, property... All this strongly binds people to each other, and most importantly, obliges them to constant cooperation in the sphere of life. Do ex-wives ever get forgotten? Of course, it won’t be easy; it’s more likely to destroy your feelings for her than to simply forget about her existence. The easiest way to forget your ex is to re-educate yourself and change your lifestyle.

Divorce after fifty

The hardest thing to endure is separation for older people. The years lived together led to the creation of persistent habits and tastes. A married couple has common friends, jointly acquired property and adult children who look at their parents’ divorce as an eccentricity of old age. No one takes a deteriorating relationship seriously until divorce proceedings occur. A man with a certain foundation in life is most lost in this situation.

USEFUL INFORMATION: Signs that a husband has stopped loving his wife

You need to understand how you can get out of the state of prostration and move on with your life. It's so simple. Dream. Dream and rejoice as easily and simply as children do. Let go of the past, think only about the time where your ex-partner is not present. Only you and your future. Believe in him, and you will no longer have the desire to meet with your ex-wife, try to annoy her and take revenge. She will leave your life. Some time will pass, the emotions will subside, you will be able to calm down and will be grateful to your wife for divorcing you.

Of course, divorce after many years of marriage is bad, but look at the situation from the other side. Emotionally, there has been emptiness, the children have grown up and started their own families, is there nothing else that unites you? So maybe divorce is your ticket to a new life? Try to look at it that way and forget it.

What needs to be changed in life

Life should be changed in all its areas. For example, like this:

Find another woman - your new beloved will distract you from sad thoughts, and most importantly, provide you with sexual intercourse, and you will not be drawn to your ex.
Finding a hobby, new hobbies - this will provide you with thoughts in a completely different direction and will significantly distract you.
Have fun with friends - go on the weekend to places where you have not been before since you were married, relax with your friends the way you wanted to relax when you were married.
Work more - take on overtime work, then you can not only earn good money, but also take your mind off bad thoughts.
Go to a resort or another city where you can entertain yourself by meeting old or new acquaintances.

The best way to avoid depression is to spend the time you might spend in torment doing good things: work, hobbies, recreation.

Psychological help

A psychologist's advice on how to survive a divorce from your wife will definitely help you if you do not neglect them. Often men consider it unworthy to use the services of psychological specialists, thinking that this makes them seem weak. Some do not believe in the help of psychologists, but in vain!

Expert advice

“Inhale” the delights of single life. Sometimes men begin to forget how happily they lived as bachelors. Just imagine. No one demands anything from you, no one tells you what to do, where to go or how to spend your earnings. You don't have to ask for time off to go fishing or hunting. There is no need to compromise. And although this is an important part of any relationship, everything will happen again later, but now you are practically free! Just breathe in a new (after a certain period of time) taste of freedom! Understand that this is important when changes come in life, that any changes are usually for the benefit of a person if he learns to treat them as a lesson on his life path.
Change your wardrobe, your image. Treat yourself like a new person. And this advice is not for women, but for any person who is sure that he is starting another, new life. Look for something that will change the way you think. Change your hairstyle (it’s not without reason that they say that with a new head new thoughts appear). Buy yourself clothes that you didn't have. It would also be a good idea to update the accessories for your hobby. Buy a new boat and tackle if you are an avid fisherman. Buy the gun you've always wanted if you're a hunter.
Make repairs. Experts note that this particular event distracts from sad thoughts, creates a psychological attitude of novelty and detachment from sadness. You will begin to select interior details, paint, and glue new wallpaper. And along with the old paint and old walls, your past life will go away.
If you continue to live with your ex-wife while you are still together (it happens that people cannot leave immediately), find an opportunity to leave. Rent yourself an apartment, otherwise your thoughts will constantly return to your ex-wife, and you will not be able to get rid of sadness and blues. Better yet, go on vacation; a change of scenery is the best start to a new life!

Psychological attitudes

There are different attitudes that a person can give himself. When divorcing, men give both negative and positive.

Here are the ones you should avoid:

Posturing. You begin to behave unnaturally, deliberately. You are trying to show your ex-wife that you will live well without her. For this purpose, you do not exist in your life, but as if you are doing everything for show for another person. And thereby destroying your personal space in the name of revenge. It only ruins your life. And most importantly, it prevents you from starting to live differently, anew.
Detachment. You cannot accept the situation, you withdraw into yourself, and do not communicate with anyone. The bad thing is that this can last for a very long time. And again, you do not live in this time, but spend it grieving. And life passes you by while you plunge into depression.
Trying to maintain a relationship with your ex-wife. Another mistake of a man who suffers. If your wife has made a decision and you are already divorced, there is no need to beg her to renew your marriage. Of course, there are women who try to change a man in this way, but there are not many of them. And, if your wife decided to teach you a lesson for something, let her now think about how she can get her husband back, because this is how problems in relationships cannot be solved. It just creates new difficulties.

Struggling with thoughts about your ex-wife

There are many techniques for improving brain memory, and there are also ways to forget your ex-wife. Imagine that thoughts about your ex are dirt that needs to be washed away, because it stains you not only in your eyes, but also in the eyes of your friends, acquaintances, and loved ones. After all, you constantly talk about your thoughts, and in a conversation, when you mention your ex, you hardly do it in a pleasant tone, but rather in a negative one. In addition, think not only about yourself, but also about those around you: none of your loved ones wants to see you depressed, and constant stories about your ex-spouse are one of the indicators of your bad mood. In order to be able to erase thoughts about your ex-wife, you need to reduce their intensity, frequency, and then stop completely.

Stages of experience

Divorce is usually preceded by a conflict stage. The man found out about the betrayal, the wife decided to leave due to financial difficulties, the conflict continued for a very long time. The first reaction of a man going through a divorce is usually associated with psychological defense: “Everything will still be fine.”

Psychologists call this reaction escape from reality, avoidance of a problematic situation. Main stages of experience:

Denial flows into an aggressive attitude towards the partner. In especially severe cases, ugly scandals begin and other people, children, are involved in the conflict. If the wife has left for someone else, then there is a feeling of anger, hatred, and a desire to infringe. Moreover, these sensations smoothly flow into painful love.
When the fact of care is confirmed, then after realizing the problem, methods of psychological influence begin. Manipulation, bribery, threat of children, blackmail are used. Psychologists are sure that this is a road to nowhere and such methods do not help to survive separation from your wife. At this stage, it can be difficult to separate; spouses may start a relationship again and try to save the marriage.
The penultimate stage is going into depression. A man feels the pain of loss, his self-esteem decreases, and there is fear. Sometimes the pain is drowned out by alcohol, someone goes to work, tries to reduce the suffering from separation by talking with friends and relatives. The behavior of abandoned men depends on temperament and character.
There is a final stage—acceptance of the fact of divorce and the woman’s departure. This is the stage of adaptation, coming to your senses, aiming for a new life. But how to survive a divorce from your wife and come to the last stage with dignity? Are there any methods and methods?

Frequency

There is such a thing as a vicious circle of thoughts - the harder you try not to think about something, the more often you are visited by memories of it. Try to relax and not think about anything at all, let your brain choose the circle of images itself. Trust your head so that reducing the frequency of thoughts about your ex will happen naturally. You should also understand that all objects around evoke certain associations. Therefore, before you forget your ex-wife, you should remove all objects from your environment that remind you of her.

Stop Negative Thinking

Finally, after reducing the intensity and frequency of thinking, you can stop unpleasant thoughts altogether. The easiest way to do this is by diverting your attention to something else. For example, find yourself an interesting hobby and devote your free time to it.

To break out of the negativity in which you find yourself thinking about your ex-wife, you need to exclude everything connected with her from your environment. Don’t communicate with her friends and relatives, try not to meet her on the way home or to work; if she works in the same place as you, change jobs. In addition, you should remove from your home all items that remind you of her, including gifts, dishes, clothes and even furniture. Delete all photos on your phone and computer, correspondence, and contacts. The main thing is to understand that any object that makes you think about your ex-wife must be removed from your life, otherwise you will not be able to stop negative thoughts.

Reasons for separation of spouses

How can a man survive a divorce from his wife, become happy again, find another wife and start a family? A man asks himself these questions every time he sees a woman. He begins to hate his past and fear future relationships. Men always and everywhere feel like leaders. This happens at work, in everyday life and in relationships with my wife. If it was your other half who decided to get a divorce and left, before deciding to start a new family, you need to remember:

Didn't your straightforwardness and demandingness suppress your wife too much? After all, you married a girl who dreamed of happiness, and not of working clothes as a housekeeper.
How comfortable did your wife feel in your presence?
How often have you told your spouse that you love her, just like that, for no reason.
How often did your wife hear compliments from you and receive gifts? Not those gifts that require you to spend a fortune on, but a simple bouquet of flowers, a trinket or a box of chocolates.
While going fishing, or sitting with friends at a football game, have you ever thought that your wife also has interests and she also wants to relax.

Divorce is not the fault of one of the spouses; both are to blame for the separation. You have to accept this and try to understand your mistakes. Having understood their signs, a man will be able to conclude what kind of wife he needs and what was wrong in the relationship before. And only by understanding why his wife decided to divorce can he forget the past.

Children from ex-wife

If you and your ex-wife have children together, it will be difficult to break off all possible ties with her. It would be stupid to deprive children of joyful meetings with their father just because your ex brings unpleasant thoughts to you. Let's figure out how to forget your wife if you have a child from her, and not lose touch with him.

The main thing is to avoid meeting with your ex-wife. How to forget your ex-wife if you have a child? First, you need to realize that meetings with your ex should be short: you should spend time with the children, not with her. Here are some tips that may help you:

Try to arrange meetings with your children alone, without the participation of your ex; you can take them to the zoo or to the skating rink, rather than letting your spouse spend time with you in the park or at her house.
Invite your kids over for sleepovers so you can spend more time with them without your ex's involvement.
Come to birthdays with gifts, give them, but try not to stay for long in the old family circle. Children won't be upset if they have fun without you on their birthday.
On days when you have plans to meet with your children, try to pick them up from school or kindergarten with your ex’s permission, this way you will avoid unnecessary minutes with her.
If you want to avoid communicating with your ex-wife when you meet your children, try waiting for them in the car rather than going into the house.

If you follow these simple tips, you will be able to erase thoughts about your ex without ruining your relationship with your children.

Mistakes that are important to avoid

After a breakup, many negative feelings overcome you. Here it is important not to get confused and not do anything stupid. If anger is boiling and suffocating from within, it is important to first free yourself from it. The following are behaviors that will harm a divorced man.

Here's what you absolutely shouldn't do:

Trying to prove you're right. After a divorce, there is no need to look for those to blame. Because of this, the situation becomes more complicated and requires the participation of a specialist. If you focus too much on what is happening, the problem will worsen. It is better to give in and look nobler. The psychology of women is such that they value attentive and compliant people. Perhaps the passion will even regret the divorce.
Try to get your ex-wife back by any means. It is stupid to insist on continuing a relationship when it has long since exhausted itself. If a marriage breaks up, it means that people have become too distant. Requests and pleas are inappropriate. It is better to leave silently, without expressing offensive phrases to each other.
Create scandals. If you want to say something, you should say it calmly, without intrigue. The more energy expended, the more difficult it becomes to interact in the future. Major quarrels devastate you from within and plant doubts in your heart. Scandals do not help establish the truth; they confuse things even more.
Use manipulation. Intrigues and dishonest actions will not help restore lost happiness. You need to understand that only accepting responsibility will make you feel better. There is no need to try to force yourself to stop loving the woman you love. The attachment will go away on its own over time.
Resort to accusations. There is no point in blaming someone for a failed personal life. Only weak people who do not know how to help themselves resort to reproaches. If you don’t want to constantly make excuses and get angry, it’s better to consciously refuse to blame.
Get depressed. This way you can earn yourself neurosis, and this condition will require considerable effort to restore mental balance. No matter how the situation turns out, you need to work with daily tasks. Stress weakens the nervous system, but does not allow us to come closer to understanding what is happening.

READ

How to painlessly divorce your wife: nuances and recommendations

How to help your loved one forget his wife

Women often face the question of how to help a man forget his ex-wife. Agree, if a person is divorced, this does not mean that he is not ready for a new marriage. But at the same time, thoughts about exes can affect relationships. At the same time, women rarely allow themselves to tell their chosen ones about their past experiences, unlike men. In any case, the best cure for unpleasant thoughts is your attention. The main thing is to be prepared for the fact that a man will compare you with his ex-wife - there is nothing wrong with that, you need to endure it.

If your man doesn’t know how to forget his ex-wife quickly, and at the same time is trying to do everything to achieve this, you can go to a family psychologist - he should help with advice and training.

Basic methods

Sometimes men themselves come to a psychologist with the words: “I just can’t forget my ex-wife.” In some cases, you really need the help of a specialist who will direct your thoughts in the right direction, allow you to abstract from problems, and start life from scratch. Even the strongest men can rarely get out of a state of depression on their own; for a long time they experience serious disappointment, resentment and hatred of the whole world.

READ The main reasons for divorce in Russia: what psychologists say

To get out of a state of depression as quickly as possible, learn psychological methods that allow you to forget your spouse.

Fill all your free time with things to do

If your wife has left you, do not try to close yourself off for a long time and despair. In such situations, you need to quickly get out of a depressed state, look for something new, get involved in sports, find a hobby. When a person does not have free time, he does not bother his head with memories and stops looking for meetings with his ex-wife.

After work, sign up for training at the gym, attend sports clubs, go to the pool. You can also meet pleasant friends with whom you can have fun and forget about your problems. By radically changing your life schedule, you won’t even notice how quickly you will get out of your state of depression.

Sports and other hobbies are the best options that allow a person to take his mind off problems. Organize your free time so that you only come home to sleep. Don’t stay alone with your thoughts for a long time, they will destroy you.

Find a new life partner

It’s rare to knock a wedge out with a wedge, but psychologists sometimes advise making new acquaintances with women so as not to think about previous relationships. It is difficult to forget your wife, with whom you are connected by children. But if you can’t get your family back, come to terms with the situation and accept it. Switch to another woman, do not rush to build a serious relationship and get married. Just make her the object of your desires, spend a lot of time together, she will definitely help you forget your past relationship.

Make time for friends and family

Communication always helps in such situations, because it distracts and allows you to forget about your personal problems for a while. If you have many friends, try to be in their company every day. They won't be able to fill the void of divorce, but they will do everything they can to ease your suffering.

Family and relatives will always be happy to support you. If you have relatives abroad, go visit them.

Go on vacation

If you like to travel, take advantage of the moment, go to the sea, visit another city or country. A change of environment has a positive effect on a person, especially when it comes to mental trauma.

Don't travel alone because if you do, you won't be able to enjoy your trip. Take friends or relatives with you who can share all the emotions with you.

READ How to understand that it’s time to divorce your husband: is it worth leaving a man

It is not at all necessary to go abroad if there is no financial opportunity. You can go to the sea or to the forest. Fresh air, warmth, sun will change your mood for the better. To get the most out of your vacation, don't let negative thoughts ruin your mood.

Your ex-wife is interfering with your relationship

There are also situations when his ex-wife gets into your relationship with a man - she constantly calls him, writes SMS and posts on social networks. You should not quarrel with your loved one about this: he will most likely simply hide communication with her from you. It's better to talk to his ex-wife to resolve this issue.

It happens that a “rival” not only communicates with a man, but also calls him to visit her, demands money and help. In this case, just ask for more attention so that your man doesn’t have time for her, but the main thing here is not to overdo it, so that in the end he won’t choose her between you and her.

In any case, every man can cope with thoughts about his ex-wife; he just needs to remember the negative consequences they lead to. If a person himself wants to get rid of thoughts, he will live a happy and fulfilling life, when all the memories of marriage will remain just in the past. The main thing is not to seek peace in alcohol and drugs, as this will only lead to bad things.

How to survive a divorce from your wife

Most often, a man who turns to a specialist for help comes with the question “I divorced my wife, it’s hard for me, what should I do?” The recommendations will depend on the circumstances under which the wife reported the divorce. It is most difficult for a man if he still has feelings for his wife, has children together, and also when she left for another man. Let's take a closer look at each case.

If there are still feelings

It is difficult to divorce a woman for whom you have feelings, love and emotional attachment. To begin with, you should find any business for yourself that you can focus your attention on as much as possible. Then follow these simple tips:

try to establish a connection with reality, that is, push raging emotions into the background, clearly feel the natural state of affairs;
identify those needs that are so necessary for your personality, that is, find people who could become emotional nourishment, support for you instead of your wife, who you can trust;
find factors of psychological vulnerability, any irritants reminiscent of the marriage or the reasons for its breakdown, get rid of them;
give up feelings of regret, searching for all the advantages of your new marital status will help;
set new goals that you will achieve, think over a comfortable mode of independent living for you.

Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

The best way to cope with negative thoughts and depression is sports. It strengthens fortitude, will, and self-confidence. When analyzing what led to the destruction of the marriage, adequately perceive your guilt, but do not engage in self-flagellation. Knowing your weaknesses, work on correcting them.

If there are children

Another topical request at a psychologist’s appointment was “I broke up with my wife, how to get through a difficult period if you have children together.” In most cases, the child remains to live with his mother, and due to the negative scenario of divorce, the connection with his father is greatly weakened. Remember that, first of all, family breakdown is stressful for children, no matter how old they are.

Even a beloved wife can be forgotten over time, but the children will be yours forever. Follow simple rules:

Solve any financial issues . Do not give in to anger and resentment, remember that your child still needs care and financial assistance from both parents.
Make appointments with your child . Offer the most comfortable scenario for visiting a child for everyone, offer assistance in visiting kindergarten/school/sections. The more you take part in upbringing, the less traumatic your absence will be for the child.
Don't turn the child against the mother . He does not need to know what problems in the marriage led to the divorce, or who was the initiator. For him, you are his beloved dad just as much as his beloved mother. Show respect to your ex-wife.

Try to communicate openly with your child, explaining that no one is immune from divorce. But no matter what happens, it will not affect your relationship in any way.

If she left for someone else

It’s one thing to come to terms with the fact that you have separated from your spouse, it’s another thing to realize that she lives with another man. Try to accept the fact that this woman no longer belongs to you, which means she has the right to love and have her own personal life. It will be easier to cope with breaking up and leaving for another man if:

break any ties that bind you, do not sort things out, do not be interested in her new personal life;
completely change your environment, go somewhere on vacation, move to a new apartment or at least make renovations, find new hobbies so that nothing reminds you of your old life;
try to communicate more with different people, protect yourself from bad habits, receive emotions from different people;
improve yourself so that a woman leaving for another man does not affect your self-esteem, do not compare yourself with him, change yourself outside and inside;
achieve new goals, this perfectly supports self-confidence and motivates for further growth.

If your wife started a relationship with another man while still married to you, try to forgive her. Your main task is not to become embittered towards the entire female race, as often happens. Make every effort to rid yourself of memories and negative emotions.