Divorce is always a drama for children and a tragedy for a woman, if she did not provoke it herself. But in the heat of passion, many forget about the other side of the conflict. But men experience not only a divorce from their wife, but also a separation from their children, finding themselves not only alone, but also receiving strict restrictions on seeing them. "What to do?" – this is the question those who find themselves on this side of the barricades ask themselves.
Degree of experience
Any man perceives divorce through the prism of certain circumstances:
- the presence or absence of new relationships;
- the nature of the climate in the family and the time spent together;
- how old are the marriage and children;
- age, health status;
- living conditions and income level;
- reaction to the situation of others;
- the number of pleasant and not so pleasant moments during living together;
- how many breakups there were in the past;
- who initiated the divorce.
In general, what a man should do after a divorce depends on all of the above reasons. And the less the separation process has worsened life, the easier it will be to answer this question.
Advice for girlfriends of divorced men
In order for a divorced man to stay around for a long time, and perhaps stay forever, you will need remarkable patience. You should not throw hysterics and scandals because of late arrivals, lack of calls, reluctance to get married here and now. You should never forget that he did not leave the family in order to immediately rush headlong into a serious relationship and create a new marriage. He left primarily to enjoy freedom. Therefore, it is important not to stop him from enjoying his freeride, but, if possible, to keep him company in his hobbies and hobbies.
In order not to destroy new fragile relationships and to have the prospect of creating your own family, you should not rush a divorced man. He needs time to decide on his own desires, to feel what loneliness is, to understand that freedom without restrictions is boring, insipid and uninteresting. Therefore, it is worth being patient, being satisfied with periodic meetings, joint events, wonderful moments of solitude and not forgetting to talk about how good it is to be with him.
Myths and reality
It is generally accepted that men, due to their nature, tolerate breakups more easily, but psychologists are sure of the opposite. If for some it is a relief and prospects that open the way to the future, then for others it is a serious trauma. But the behavior pattern of representatives of the strong genus is often the same. Some people sincerely enjoy life, while others worry, but in any case, try to disguise their emotions.
Attention! Lightness and carelessness are only an apparent behavior, a kind of defense mechanism.
What can help a person return to normal?
Consolations may not always be useful, but you need to look at the person’s condition. For example, a psychologist will not console a divorced man, but will try to figure out the situation together with him. He will explain that the separation, since it has already happened, will only benefit both him and his wife.
The following points can help a man a lot:
- communication . A man in such a difficult period for him simply needs human communication. There should be someone nearby with whom he can share his experiences without being afraid to show his emotions. Chatting with friends, like-minded people, maybe even going somewhere to relax will be very useful. It is advisable to make new acquaintances during this period;
- work and hobbies . It would be very useful to start a new life with a new job, which for one reason or another was not possible to get during marriage. A career will bring new impressions and interesting acquaintances - a man will be constantly busy, he will not have time to worry. Some new or old hobby will also be very useful - now you will definitely find time for it. It could be anything - sports, drawing, even breeding aquarium fish;
- support . Psychological support may be needed throughout the entire period of withdrawal from the family, that is, until the man finally returns to normal. Most often, he will simply need to talk to someone about painful issues from time to time, and such support will be quite enough. In severe cases, it is best to visit a professional psychologist and with his help try to solve the problem.
Psychological doctrine
Women perceive the decision much more emotionally, it is especially difficult at first, but then they quickly adapt to the new life. For a man, on the contrary, it may be easier at first. And even in the first couple of years after a breakup, most people enter into new relationships. Not surprising, because this is not the first breakup in his life, which is understandable from the point of view of psychoanalysis. Boys at the age of seven for the first time begin to perceive themselves in society separately from their mother and try to free themselves from guardianship. It seems to them that they know where to go and what will happen next (an adult person behaves similarly).
For your information! Then the euphoria of independence passes and the next stage begins.
The decision to get a divorce
An interesting fact is observed: in most cases, it is the woman who wants to legitimize the relationship with the man and it is the woman, in most cases, who initiates the divorce. A man, in turn, initially thinks about his every decision, and only then is he ready to take the step towards divorce. In this regard, the man prepares new ground in advance, with whom and where he will live in the future. When a divorce occurs due to her husband’s infidelity, most often the man goes to his mistress. Women can experience a real shock psychologically, even when they themselves provoked the divorce. The first month will be a difficult time, filled with experiences, but after that, every day it becomes easier and easier. Male psychology is different at this point.
Several stages
The famous psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross broke down all the experiences associated with trauma after a breakup into stages, which help explain how men behave after a divorce and why this particular behavior is inherent in them at one time or another.
Can exist simultaneously and even return:
- denial – rejection of the situation;
- aggression and anger - the beginning of recognition of the claims made;
- bargaining is an attempt to reconcile and try to start everything from the very beginning;
- recognition - awareness of what is happening;
- fear – fear of loneliness and the future;
- forgiveness - the situation has been released.
And only after leaving all the stages behind does calm come, and the man fully realizes and lets go of the situation.
Deadly disease3
A classic scheme, perfected to the smallest detail by experienced deceivers. Indeed, it is difficult to refuse help to a sick person. And doubly so for the person with whom you have a romantic, albeit virtual, connection. As soon as your correspondence begins to be more confidential, the lover of easy money suddenly decides to reveal a terrible secret to you. It turns out that recently the cause of her depression was not a change in weather. And in general, she wanted to tell you everything for a long time, but she was waiting for the right moment. So, her little sister (grandmother, aunt, best friend, or even herself) has a serious illness. And, of course, she is very embarrassed to ask you for help, but... But you no longer listen, because you are busy transferring funds to the account of an unfamiliar swindler.
How to protect yourself:
Take off your rose-colored glasses and perceive any information adequately. Agree, it’s quite strange that a practically unknown lady suddenly begins to manipulate you, appealing for pity. As a last resort, you have every right to ask for supporting documents that will convince you of the correctness of your decision. But, as practice shows, it will be exactly the opposite.
Painless separation
Attention! The articles describe typical ways to resolve legal issues, but each case is unique. If you want to find out how to solve your particular problem - and get a free consultation:
Women are more plastic, they are not rigid (impossibility and inability to change). Men are more conservative and inflexible in their attitudes. Therefore, for them, being rejected is a very big trauma that is stored in their memory for quite a long time.
There are no universal recipes for how a man should live after a divorce; everything is extremely subjective. There are people who are flexible, who quickly adapt, in other words, they are emotionally labile. And there are those who keep the grudge in their memory for a very long time and they are not inclined to form positive views after a divorce.
How the scheme works
In general, any average dating platform is an ideal place for such fraud. Agree, it’s very convenient to hide behind someone else’s photo and fictitious nickname. Come up with a heartbreaking legend and begin to implement an insidious plan. Moreover, as statistics show, both simple and inexperienced guys and very intelligent men who have achieved success in life regularly become victims of virtual scammers.
As soon as you register on a dating site, you receive a template message from a dazzling beauty. Then warm communication ensues, and now, you are already looking forward to a new message from her, and having received it, you are in the clouds. Congratulations! You already have one foot in a trap that is about to snap shut. And the beautiful lady has already prepared one of her most fascinating fairy tales for you. Which one? Read below.
Social tragedy
The problem is the same for both sides, but looks completely different. To overcome this difficult period, you need to understand that life does not end. On the one hand, loneliness is not the best state of mind, but here you can find a positive side.
No matter what a man becomes after a divorce, no matter how he changes internally, only a sincere desire to get out of a stressful state will help get rid of it.
Attention! Due to recent changes in legislation, the legal information in this article may be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write your question in the form below:
The illusion of freedom
Psychologists identify the main reason for such depression: disappointment. As a rule, life after a divorce is painted in the most rosy light, and the main motive when breaking up with a wife is the confidence that after breaking up with the “vixen”, a man - such an underrated “macho” will certainly meet an extraordinary woman (ideally a Hollywood star), definitely caring, devoted, beautiful and young. A man lives with the illusions of cosmic sex, incredible sensations and intense emotions. These dreams come true, but only partially. In most cases, new relationships with new women not only do not live up to expectations, but also do not bring joy, and sometimes lead to complete disappointment.
New intimacy initially brings joy, bright emotions and inner uplift, but takes a lot of energy, gradually causing fatigue, decreased performance and social activity. New girlfriends turn out to be far from the imaginary ideal, not too caring and attentive, often stooping to criticism and reproaches, demanding attention and money. Intimate life with new partners requires greater energy expenditure from a man and causes greater internal tension. As a result, short-term and impulsive relationships are far from the rosy dreams depicted, and even more so from a reliable marriage where psychological and biological intimacy has been created over the years.
Therefore, after six months or a year, men’s interest in both freedom and new connections decreases. The holiday that the man dreamed of does not happen . There are no queues of Hollywood beauties lining up to see him. And the one next to it is no better than the previous choice. After realizing this thought, divorced men usually become despondent and depressed, stop taking care of themselves, begin to yearn for their former “unfree” life, feel guilty before their ex-wife and constantly remember the brightest and warmest moments of family life.
By the end of the second year of free single life, divorced men feel moral exhaustion and chronic fatigue. By divorcing his wife and leaving his family, the man hoped that his burden of worries and responsibilities would decrease, and that he would become more free in his actions and desires. But after parting, the understanding comes that being alone is not as sweet and easy as it seemed before. Obligations to the family are replaced by a sense of personal responsibility for oneself. And this turns out to be not as simple as it seemed. It is for this reason that most divorced men, by the end of the second year after the divorce, are thinking about returning to their native family nest.
Minor victim5
You meet a young person on a website who assures you that she is 18 years old. In principle, this is how it happens in most cases. Only after some time, she, sobbing, tells you that her parents accidentally (or not quite) discovered your “hot” correspondence. And now her conservative father is determined to take these materials to the nearest police department. Can you guess what request she will make to you in her next SMS?
How to protect yourself:
Of course, you won’t demand passport information in the first minutes of communicating with a girl. But you are quite capable of observing her writing style, analyzing photographs and hobbies. Exactly as well as keeping yourself within the bounds of decency, not allowing yourself too much.
