What problems accompany a woman’s life after divorce?

Unfortunately, more and more married couples are going through divorce. This does not happen spontaneously or overnight. Typically, the divorce process is preceded by many conflicts, problems, quarrels and reconciliations. The process itself also does not go quickly; divorce has several stages, from the emergence of a conflict to the receipt of a divorce document.

Common reasons for divorce

Whatever one may say, the main reasons why hundreds of families break up every year are banal. Among them:

• domestic conflicts;
• financial problems;
• cooling of feelings;
• sexual dissatisfaction;
• youth and inexperience of partners;
• betrayal;
• alcoholism, drug addiction;
• childlessness.

Any reason entails a conflict, which, if not resolved, turns into protracted misunderstanding and inability to find a compromise. Numerous quarrels and scandals devastate both partners, and it happens that, it seems, the conflict has already been resolved, but there is no longer a desire to be together.

Dream one4

Hooray! Freedom! A man enjoys the opportunity to live as he sees fit, without obligations and unnecessary problems.

But the realities turn out to be less rosy than he expected. All household little things for caring for himself fall on his own shoulders (when his wife was busy with this, he did not notice them). Along with everyday disorder comes a feeling of abandonment and uselessness.

Stages of divorce

As already mentioned, it does not happen that one of the partners says “I’m leaving” out of nowhere. Divorce can drag on for a very long time, depending on the circumstances. And, despite the fact that the reasons for the breakup of a family may be different, the process of divorce goes through the same scenario in every couple. Main stages of divorce:

1. Shock and denial. Each person experiences information about an upcoming divorce differently. Some people have already been mentally prepared for a long time and are not worried about it. Some people are shocked. After all, until the last moment a person believes that it is possible to correct the situation, return to normal relationships, and get used to each other. And that’s why the phrase “I want to get a divorce” sounds like thunder from a clear day. This period lasts on average ten days.
2. Depression. Two or three months after the news of a divorce, a person suffers. He worries for a long time and a lot, analyzes situations, returns to the past, thinking about what he would have done earlier. The main feelings experienced at this stage: pain, resentment, guilt, loneliness, fear, meaninglessness, helplessness. It feels like this is a dead end, and it’s unknown how to live further, emotions at this time are preventing you from behaving correctly. Often rash acts are committed, offensive words and threats are uttered.
3. Calm. After time passes, the feelings dull a little, and a period comes when the ability to think soberly appears. At this time, attempts are made to reconcile, save the marriage, promises are made. As a rule, manipulative actions are used through mutual friends and relatives. A woman can blackmail with children or invent pregnancy.
4. Second stage of depression. After the attempt at reconciliation fails, a second, deeper stage of depression begins. This time, a person can withdraw into himself, or, conversely, seek solace on the side, making new sexual contacts. A man going through a divorce often starts drinking.
5. Acceptance of the situation and divorce. After all the steps to save the family have been taken, all negative emotions have been experienced, awareness of the situation begins. A person understands that divorce cannot be avoided, and it does not matter who is to blame. I act differently: some people have the wisdom to separate peacefully and maintain normal relationships, while others divorce scandalously, involving all relatives, revealing unpleasant moments, sharing dishes.
6. Adaptation. The most difficult and lengthy period, which lasts about a year. The pain after a divorce dulls, a new feeling appears - sadness over an unsaved marriage. Now you need to live independently, get rid of your ex-husband or wife, change your lifestyle, habits, and daily routines. At these moments, a lot of work is done on mistakes, and if the divorce was scandalous, there is an opportunity to correct the situation and reconcile, at least for the sake of the children. The family cannot be saved, but children should see the friendly relations of their parents. Things are more complicated for women after divorce. It is difficult for them to change their lives and let new men into it. In addition, there is disappointment in the male sex; you don’t want to create new relationships.

What life looks like in an apartment shared by two, after a divorce

Often after a couple divorces, the spouses have to live in the same apartment.
Is there life after divorce when you have to be under the same roof? The housing issue always takes a long time to resolve and you need to be prepared for the fact that you will have to wait until suitable options are selected. There are often cases when spouses do not speed up the exchange of housing and live in the same apartment due to the fact that they feel sorry for everything that was created during a long time of living together. There are situations when relatives on one side slow down the process of the family moving to different apartments for their own reasons. Maybe they feel sorry for the children or they think it would be great to reconcile. Life under one roof becomes unbearable in one case, and in another, reconciliation may take place. You never know what will happen.

If the spouses separated, hating each other, and do not want to communicate at all, then life in the same apartment turns into hell. There are constant quarrels and mutual reproaches. This has an adverse effect on the atmosphere in the home and on children, who are most vulnerable in this situation. Living in the same apartment, people continue to run a common household as before.

It is possible that if it is necessary to temporarily live in the same apartment, the spouses will have the opportunity to look at each other as if from the outside. Often, after a divorce, a woman or a man realizes that they were in a hurry to end the marriage and that everything can be changed. When time has passed, the problems have already been forgotten, the pain has subsided, one of the partners understands that the other remains to be a loved one. Relationships are renewed, everyone is happy, everything is going great, and a new life is getting better.

Attention! Due to recent changes in legislation, the legal information in this article may be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write your question in the form below:

What you need to know about the divorce process

Divorce is an unpleasant phenomenon. Situations where this process is celebrated occur only in films or jokes. In fact, most often divorce is accompanied by scandals, division of property and children. You can make the divorce process less painful if you know all its subtleties. All that is necessary for both partners to ensure that the divorce is peaceful is to act within the law. What do you need to know about the rules of the divorce process?

• in the absence of common children, the divorce takes place in the registry office;
• if there are common children, then they will divorce in court, and they will give a probationary period for reconciliation;
• after three months, the divorce will be carried out under any conditions;
• if parents cannot come to a mutual opinion about the residence and upbringing of minor children, then this is regulated by the court;
• The division of jointly acquired property is handled by the court.

How to survive a divorce

Despite the breakdown of the family, there is no need to give up on yourself. There is a whole life ahead that you need to live happily. There are also chances to find a soul mate and be happy in marriage again. The main thing is to come to terms with the divorce and quickly put your feelings in order. Advice from family psychologists will help with this:

• You need to communicate with your ex-husband only when necessary, you should not seek communication with him, reopen old wounds, and especially try to get him back;
• you need to change the situation - make repairs, sell an apartment and buy a new one, quit your job or move to another city, it doesn’t matter, the main thing is to immerse yourself in pleasant chores;
• there is no need to drown depression in alcohol and noisy parties, this will help you forget only for a while;
• you need to pay attention to your appearance - change your hairstyle, get a manicure, update your wardrobe;
• there is no need to rush to start an affair, since intuitively you will compare your new admirer with your ex-husband;
• to restore mental strength, you need to sleep and rest more;
• say no to alcohol, otherwise there is a risk of drinking yourself to death, drowning your melancholy with alcohol;
• you need not to blame yourself, but to learn that all changes are for the better.

Common mistakes of divorced women

Unfortunately, many women do not allow reason to prevail over emotions, and therefore typical mistakes are made:

• constant whining and complaints about loneliness - not a single friend can stand this, and sooner or later everyone will begin to avoid you;
• sex as an attempt to forget your ex-husband - this will only help for a while, the next day the depression will become more pronounced and deep;
• surveillance and control of your ex-husband - no need to follow him on social networks, learn about his life from mutual friends and relatives;
• an affair with an ex-husband - no matter how much time passes after the divorce, there is no need to hope that people change;
• manipulation and blackmail by a child - for children, even after a divorce, there remains a mother and father with whom they must communicate and feel their care;
• refusal of help - no need to refuse alimony and other assistance to children, no need to prove your independence.

Very often, women complain that ex-husbands do not help their children, do not want meetings and simply ignore them. In most cases, it all depends on the woman. She is the one who can ensure that a man remains a good father for children even after a divorce. The whole secret is goodwill and a positive attitude. And, children, in turn, should see that after the divorce their lives have not changed at all.

Communication with ex-husband

It’s one thing when, after a divorce, all the connecting threads are severed, and there is nothing left in common between the former spouses. In this case, you can move to another city, quit your job, if you are colleagues, simply delete all contacts and not communicate. But what to do when you have common children or a business? In this case, no matter how you look at it, you will have to communicate throughout your entire adult life. How to build the right relationship with your ex-spouse? Psychologists give the following advice:

1. The relationship should be like a business one. After all, ex-spouses are connected only by business: teaching and raising children, work or business. You just need to try to abstract yourself from all the emotions that were in the past. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out this way, and conflicts after divorce are far from uncommon.
2. It is necessary to formalize alimony. This will save you from all conflicts in the future, and in case of refusal to help the child, there is a law against the ex-husband.
3. As already mentioned, children should communicate with their father, regardless of the nature of your relationship with him.
4. Sooner or later, both spouses will create new families. There is no need to make excuses for your new relationship, but you shouldn’t interfere in others either. Everyone has the right to happiness.
5. Don't forget about relatives. After all, grandparents also worry about the breakdown of the family, and they love their grandchildren no less. Therefore, there is no need to limit their communication.
6. If you have a common business, you need to either learn to move on with business, putting aside all past grievances, or separate.

As you can see, divorce is not a matter of one day, but a whole life stage with preceding and subsequent events. Whether you like it or not, divorce leaves a certain imprint on each of the former spouses. And only you can decide how to build your life in the future. But there is no doubt that every person has the right to a happy life!

Instructions for those who want to get rid of depression

Not everyone knows how to get out of long-term depression after a divorce. Time heals wounds, but it is worth making your own efforts to speed up the process.

READ

How to save a family on the verge of divorce: practical advice from a psychologist

Depression is normal

Feeling apathetic after a breakup is a natural process. People encountering it for the first time suffer doubly. It seems that disgust with the world will remain forever. Usually, depression caused by external factors ends after 2–3 days. It should be understood that depression will pass, so you should try to improve your mental state.

Fulcrum

A fulcrum will help you get out of depression after an unpleasant divorce from your wife or husband. Often it becomes conversations with friends and parents. They understand that support and help are needed. They will happily lend a hand to take them for a walk and take their mind off the self-flagellation.

It's worth finding a hobby. Doing something else helps you organize your thoughts and get your head in order. Women can spend time doing meditative processes:

• reading books;
• drawing;
• knitting;
• embroidery

A man is able to take up designing models or find other entertainment.

Sport allows you to escape from everyday problems. Psychologists advise doing morning or evening jogging. Running refreshes your head and helps you put your thoughts in order. It is necessary to release energy outward so as not to suffer from internal pain.

Can't date

Meetings with a former partner lead to another round of soul-searching. You cannot meet him, including in the company of friends. It’s rare that you can improve your relationship with your husband.

You can't blame yourself

After a bad breakup, the girl begins to blame herself. Relationships are based on the relationship between two people. In case of divorce, both are to blame. This is worth realizing in advance.

The faster a person understands that he is not to blame for what happened, the faster procrastination ends.

A change of scenery

Psychologists advise going on a trip after a divorce. You don't have to spend money on a trip around the world. It is enough to go to the neighboring city to change the scenery.

There are many memories in my native place. They will torment your soul and will not allow you to get out of a depressive state normally.

Visiting new countries gives you an unforgettable life experience. Perhaps divorce will be the impetus for finding a new hobby.

Shopping

Women love updating their wardrobe. Divorce is a good reason to change your clothes. Professionals say that shopping helps you take your mind off life's troubles and build a ladder to a brighter future.

Professional help

If apathy drags on and leads to negative thoughts, you should seek professional help. Psychologists are experts in the human soul and will help you get back to normal. You cannot be afraid of treatment from knowledgeable people.