How to survive a divorce from your husband if you have 2 children: advice from a psychologist

Divorce can be one of the most stressful life events a person faces. Whether your marriage lasted a few years or a few decades, divorce begins a new life that you need to adjust to.

There is nothing you can do right away to erase the pain, disappointment, betrayal, confusion or anger you feel. It is especially difficult to get a divorce when there are children in the family. A few tips will help you survive a divorce with two or more children and continue to plan your future.

What to Consider Before Divorce

If divorce with two children is a decided fact, both parents need to think about how attached each child is to mom and dad.
Children who have strong attachments to both parents may find it difficult to cope with the difficulties that arise when their father and mother separate. Parents must remember that children have the right to maintain contact with both mom and dad in equal proportions. When a husband and wife decide how to file a divorce with 2 children, what actions to take, everyone should assess their ability to pay for the needs of their children or teenagers, such as housing, food and clothing, as well as any additions (sections, clubs, swimming, etc. .) to which they are accustomed.

It is necessary to decide whether a move will follow after the divorce, since for a woman, left with 2 children in her arms, at first it will be difficult to be torn between her responsibilities at work and getting the children ready for a new school or kindergarten.

Every parent needs to take a hard look at their ability to personally cope with the changes associated with divorce with 2 young children.

Even before obtaining a divorce with 2 minor children, you should consider the possibility of continuing cooperation with your ex. Demonstrating a willingness to communicate with your ex-spouse will give children a sense of stability during a time of intense family change.

Can a divorce be refused?

They cannot refuse a divorce. Even if the court gives three months for reconciliation, they will still end up getting divorced.

But there are a few exceptions when refusal is actually possible:

• If you try to get a divorce according to a simplified procedure at the registry office, without having a copy of the court decision or sentence with you;
• If the application is submitted to a court that does not have the right to hear the case. For example, when turning to a magistrate with a request to collect alimony, such issues are dealt with by district or city courts.

How to get a divorce

According to Article No. 21 of the RF IC, the divorce process with one, two or more children occurs only in court, by filing a statement of claim.

MARRIAGE REGISTRY

Life situations are different. Divorce in a family is a tragedy, but with two children in your arms under certain circumstances it is inevitable. There are cases when one of the spouses simply needs to get a divorce in order to start life with a “clean slate”. Such people are interested in how they can file for divorce if they have 1, 2 or more children, without the consent of their spouse. Article No. 16, paragraph 2 of the RF IC states that certain circumstances allow this to be done:

1. The spouse has been declared incompetent.
2. The husband/wife was sentenced to more than 3 years in prison.
3. One of the married couple went missing (documented fact.

How to get a divorce if you have two children

The mechanism and duration of the divorce process for spouses with two minor children will depend on the consent or disagreement of the spouse with the severance of the marriage.

Another key factor is the age of the minor children. If the family has a child under the age of 1 year, then the restrictions provided for in Art. 17 RF IC.

According to the provisions of this article, the husband does not have the right to demand divorce without the consent of his wife if there is a child under the age of one year.

Note: The registration authority, even in the case of divorce through the court, is the registry office, which must issue the spouses a certificate of divorce based on a court decision.

Terms of divorce

Parents are interested in how long it takes to divorce with one, two or more children. It doesn’t matter at all how many minors there are in the family, the law is the same for all categories:

1. Through the registry office, the annulment of family relationships will occur in 30 days. after filing a claim.
2. In the magistrate's court, the procedure for dissolving a marriage and considering a divorce with 2 children will take at least 1 month.
3. In the district court, the annulment of a marriage can last at least 2 months. The judge has the right to give the spouses 3 months for reconciliation; the process may also be burdened by disputes over the division and upbringing of children and the division of property.

You can appeal a decision of a magistrate or district court to divorce a woman on maternity leave with two children on a general basis - within 1 month from the date of the decision.

Please note that a divorce from your wife comes into legal force in a month; 2 children will not become a hindrance or reason for changing this period.

Who will the children stay with after the divorce?

Divorce between spouses-parents is impossible without resolving all issues related to joint children. One of the most heated disputes between mother and father is the dispute over which of them the children will live with after the divorce.

According to Art. 61 of the RF IC, the rights and responsibilities of parents in relation to children are equal - to raise, educate, support children. But in order to take an equal part in the lives of their children, parents need...

• independently distribute rights and responsibilities;
• ask the court to make a fair decision on a controversial issue.

The law invites parents to enter into a written agreement or verbally state in court the agreements reached regarding the place of residence of their children (Clause 1 of Article 24 of the RF IC). The decision of the parents must be mutual. If the court does not find any violations of children's and/or parental rights in the agreement, it will be recorded in the protocol and approved by a court decision, thereby being endowed with legal force.

But if the parents are unable to reach an agreement, the decision on the place of residence of the children will be made by the court with the participation of the POiP (Clause 2 of Article 24 of the RF IC). The following factors will be carefully studied and taken into account:

• The degree of attachment of children to mother and father;
• Financial situation of mother and father;
• The living conditions of each parent;
• The lifestyle of each parent (degree of employment, habits, moral character).

As practice shows, court decisions are more often made in favor of the mother than in favor of the father, especially if the children are small. In turn, fathers have obligations to provide child support and raise children, and spend time together with their children - on an equal basis with the mother. To “seize” young children from a mother, the father must demonstrate a strong desire and present valid reasons why the mother is unable to care for the children, for example...

• mother's refusal to live with children;
• alcohol or drug abuse;
• mental disorders;
• extremely difficult financial situation;
• committing a crime against children, cruelty, use of violence (physical or mental);
• negative moral character of a woman (bad addictions, depraved lifestyle, lack of interest in the lives of children);
• a serious illness that does not allow the mother to fully perform maternal responsibilities.

In order to make a fair decision, the court takes into account not only the documentary evidence presented by the father, but also the testimony of witnesses, as well as the report of the OiP and the reports of experts - psychologists, teachers. If children are already 10 years old, their wishes are also taken into account by the court.

Determining the place of residence of children with their father (or mother) is a court decision that has nothing to do with the decision to limit or deprive the mother (or father) of parental rights.

Example In the Basmanny District Court of Moscow, the case of divorce of the Kotevich spouses, parents of minor children - daughter Anna, born in 2011, was considered. and son Stepan born in 2014. At the court hearing, it was established that over the past year, immediately after leaving maternity leave, the mother worked a lot, often went on business trips, and hired a nanny to care for the children. The father asked the court to leave the children with him. However, the OAiP pointed out that the father’s living conditions did not meet the children’s needs, while the mother’s two-room apartment, in which the family lived before the divorce, fully met them - in area, furniture, convenient location of preschool institutions and a clinic. The court found no deviations from the norm in the mother’s moral character and her involvement in raising the children. The court left the children with the mother, imposed on the father the obligation to pay child support, and also recalled the right to equal participation in raising the children, including during the mother’s work trips.

Preparation of documents

How to file a divorce with two children is a question that is on the agenda of parents who are separating. They are concerned about a lot of nuances, including collecting documents.

You need to take seriously the preparation of documents for a divorce with one, two or more children while on maternity leave, since each incorrectly filled out paper will lead to a suspension of the process and entail unnecessary expenses.

It is necessary to prepare:

• both passports (copies);
• birth certificate of each minor (copy);
• state tax receipt;
• marriage certificate (copy).

For what reasons does the court choose one of the parties?

Despite judicial practice in the preference for children to live with their parents, no one takes away his rights from the father. The Family Code has established equal status and obligations between them, so a man can file a lawsuit and sue the kids. To do this, you must provide evidence:

• addiction to alcohol and drugs;
• inappropriate care;
• neglect of medical care;
• physical violence;
• malicious evasion of maternal responsibilities.

If the facts are confirmed by witness testimony and administrative penalties based on the above examples, the court will satisfy the father’s claim.

How is child support paid for 2 children?

When calculating the amount of alimony paid by a man or woman divorced with two children, the level of income is taken into account.
The formula determining the minimum amount of payments is determined by Article No. 81 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation. For two children who remain to live with one of the spouses, the other spouse is entitled to payment within 1/3 of his income. It happens that citizens do not have a permanent fixed income or receive income in foreign currency, then in accordance with Article No. 83 of the RF IC, another option for paying alimony in case of a divorce with two children is allowed; according to the advice of lawyers, this can be a constant (fixed) amount that is needed specified in the settlement agreement.

Is it possible to get a divorce through the registry office?

In this case, a divorce can be obtained at the registry office only if a simplified scheme is applied if the husband or wife applies there.

A marriage is unilaterally dissolved at the request of the first spouse if the second:

• Incapacitated;
• Recognized as missing;
• Sentenced to a term of three years.

The presence or absence of children does not matter, nor does the opinion of the second spouse regarding divorce . The first is enough to apply to the registry office with an application in form No. 11, and then after a month receive a certificate.

Note: if the wife or husband is in prison, the registry office will send a notification to them within three days from the date of receipt of the application. It is necessary to inform which surname will remain after the end of the marriage. If he was imprisoned, it will not be possible to use the simplified procedure. It is believed that the first spouse already knew about the crime committed at that time, which means that they will have to get a divorce according to the general procedure.

Documentation

If there is every reason to use the simplified scheme, you must submit to the registry office:

1. Statement.
2. Passport.
3. Marriage certificate.
4. A court verdict or decision that has entered into force (to confirm the grounds).
5. Receipt for payment of state duty.

State duty

If only one of the spouses applies to the registry office, the state fee is less than the standard - only 350 rubles. (Article 333.26 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation). A receipt for payment will be issued upon application. If you submit it through Gosuslugi, you can pay there, and there is also a 30% discount on the state fee.

Complications in obtaining an annulment

Life is unpredictable. Without having time to raise a child for up to a year, a man may want to divorce his wife who is on maternity leave. The judge will definitely refuse such a dad. You cannot get a divorce if the baby is under 12 months old.

Sometimes a father wonders how to file for divorce from his wife and two children if his wife is pregnant with another child. In this case, the male applicant will be denied annulment of the marriage, but the woman has the right to act as a plaintiff and initiate the dissolution of the marital relationship herself. Sometimes it is easier to file a divorce from a husband with two children than to remain living with a tyrant or a drunkard.

Divorce with 2 children always raises more questions than when there is 1 child in the family. Parents must make every effort not to traumatize the child’s psyche and remain sane and sane themselves.

Additional requirements when going to court

As mentioned earlier, through the court you can not only get a divorce, but also resolve a number of other issues arising from family legal relations:

• Division of common property;
• Alimony for children and ex-spouses;
• Division of debts, including mortgages;
• Who will the child stay with, on what days will the separated parent communicate with him.

Let's take a closer look at the features of each requirement.

Property division

You can only divide what was acquired during the marriage. The exception is the personal belongings of spouses or children: they are not subject to division. Both movable and immovable property, as well as general debts, are divided.

If a divorce is filed with a mortgage and a child, several scenarios are possible:

• The apartment and debts are divided between the spouses, each being given a share. The amount of debt is equal to the size of the allocated share (Article 39 of the RF IC);
• Acting in the interests of the child, the court may allocate a larger share to the parent with whom he remains;
• The court may decide to sell the apartment. The mortgage is fully repaid from the proceeds, the remainder is divided between the parties.

Each case is considered individually and depends on what requirements were presented initially. The bank’s opinion is also of considerable importance, because in such matters his interests as the lender who issued the mortgage are also affected.

Collection of alimony

Alimony can be collected in several forms:

Form	Size	Article
As a share of the payer's salary	For one child – ¼; For two – 1/3; For three or more - 1/2	81 IC RF
In a fixed amount, if payments in shares violate the interests of a minor, or the exact level of income of the payer cannot be determined	The fixed amount is established taking into account the cost of living in the region of residence of the minor, the financial situation of the parties, with the condition of maintaining a normal standard of living for the child	83 IC RF
In a mixed form, if the alimony payer has official and additional income	Paid a fixed amount and a share of the salary

It is important to know! If a child under 3 years of age remains with the mother, she has the right to collect alimony for herself. Their size is determined taking into account the regional PM.

Determining the order of communication

If the parties have not drawn up an agreement, the question of the procedure for communication between the separated parent and the child will be decided by the court. He can designate specific days and times that are convenient for both parents, while taking into account the interests of the minor.

Most often, the second parent is allowed to see him on weekends, but they may also be allowed to take him away for a few days.

Determination of place of residence

Leaving a minor with one of the parents if there is a dispute about this is considered more difficult.

Not only the child’s relationship with his mother and father is considered, but also other points:

• Financial situation of both parties;
• Availability of property suitable for habitation.

Sometimes a reference from the place of work is also required. To confirm the absence of financial difficulties, it is enough to provide salary certificates. Ultimately, the court will decide who the child will stay with and who will be able to see him on certain days.

Separation of children

One of the important issues that is resolved in the process of such paperwork as a divorce from a husband if there is a child under 3 years old is the separation of the children themselves. And here in society there is a mistaken opinion that children are always left with their mother.

Or in cases where there is an influential father with rich capital, the interests of the mother are not taken into account. But this is absolutely not true.

According to the current Civil Code, Insurance Code and other legal acts, before the start of the process, each party has absolutely equal opportunities to take the baby for themselves. No one has the right to deprive a father or mother of such a right.

The court must always be guided only by the interests of the minor. It is clear that if we are talking about an infant, when he is still very strongly attached to his mother, then the possibility of him living with a woman is more appropriate for him than with his father.

But again: depending on which mother.

What the court may take into account:

1. The child's own opinion. Of course, this is relevant if the child is already 10-12 years old or more, but when we are talking about children of this age, then they can simply ask for an opinion, but no more, since a small person cannot yet make an informed decision;
2. The desire of the spouses themselves. Yes, if we take into account the statistics of office work, then dads themselves very rarely put forward a desire to raise their child. Many people don’t even want to pay child support, let alone raise them. And if, for example, the father refuses to take his child to him, then the issue is resolved by itself;
3. The legal capacity of men and women. The financial well-being of the spouses, who both expressed a desire to take the minor, is not as important as their ability to provide care, care and education. To do this, they check not only the physical, but also the mental state of both applicants;
4. Financial condition. Of course, there is no escape from the financial factor, which is also taken into account. Indeed, in the modern world, in order to receive a normal education, qualified medical care, develop one’s abilities, etc. need money. And if someone cannot provide the child with normal development at all, then preference is given to the one who can do this.

By the way, a very important point: each of the parents who lays claim to their baby must confirm not only their material well-being, but also that their living conditions are suitable for the little person.

To obtain such a document, you must contact the guardianship authorities, who, after studying this issue and examining living conditions, will draw up an appropriate act

Having a baby under 1 year of age

To begin with, we note that divorce is a very complex process, especially when it comes to families with children. The state primarily protects not the parents, but the child himself, so that each spouse can continue to fulfill their responsibilities in raising the minor.

But special attention should be paid to divorce between spouses when they have a small child under 1 year old. In this case, divorce is possible only under certain conditions. And they will depend not so much on the wishes of the spouse himself, as on the decision of the wife.

Features of divorce between spouses in the presence of small children under 1 year of age:

• Such a procedure no longer goes through the registry office, since the question is not only about the status of the husband and wife themselves, but also about the question of custody of the child;
• The procedure is possible only in court, where the court, taking into account all the individual characteristics of the couple and their circumstances, will be able to make the right decision, including refusing divorce for a while;
• The initiator can be any of the parties, but if the husband wishes to submit such an application, the consent of the other half is required. If a woman refuses to divorce, then it will be necessary to wait until the baby reaches one year of age;
• When the wife initiates the process, the man's consent is not required. True, the individual characteristics of the case can be considered, especially if the child lives not with his mother, but with his father.

Thus, the main conclusion is the following: if a man with a small child under 12 months wants to leave his wife without her consent, then such actions will not be approved by the court.

If a representative of the fair sex decides to commit such acts, then the issue will be resolved in her favor. Alimony will also be awarded.

By the way, if a woman is pregnant, the result will be the same.

But there are exceptions to each rule, and the official status of spouses can be liquidated upon filing an application by one of the parties in exceptional cases, among which are the following:

1. If the other half is recognized as incompetent in accordance with the Civil Code;
2. If a person has died or is considered missing;
3. If the person has been imprisoned for more than 3 years.

If such circumstances exist, the wife or husband can, with the appropriate supporting document, apply to both the court and the registry office, and the marriage will be annulled.

In the absence of such valid reasons, you must immediately go to court.

Where to go and what documents to prepare in advance

Bodies considering an application for termination of marriage

As noted above, the main rule of divorce proceedings in the presence of minor children is the consideration of the case by the court. However, as with every rule, there are exceptions in this case. Thus, the spouse initiating the divorce must contact the registry office if:

• The court has established the incompetence of the second spouse;
• The court declared the second spouse missing;
• The second spouse is in prison, and his sentence exceeds three years.

Most divorce cases are heard by magistrates' courts, but there are several exceptions to this rule. You will have to go to the city court if:

• The spouses have not voluntarily resolved the issue of division of property, and the value of the disputed property is more than 50 thousand rubles;
• The defendant filed a counterclaim;
• The husband disputes his paternity;
• The case is sent for consideration on appeal.

If the parties to the process live in different localities, the question will necessarily arise about which territorial division of the judicial authorities should consider the case. There are several general rules of civil procedure in this regard:

1. The case is heard by the court at the place of residence of the responding party;
2. If the spouse initiating the divorce is disabled or cannot, for objective reasons (the presence of young children in his care), appear in court in another locality, the claim can be filed with the judicial authority of the territorial unit where it is more convenient to do this.

Documents attached to the divorce claim

The list of necessary documentation to begin the divorce process consists of the following points:

1. A statement of claim for divorce with children, sample 2020, can be found on the information boards of all judicial institutions that consider cases of this kind. The document is submitted in several copies according to the number of participants in the case;
2. Document confirming marriage registration (original certificate);
3. Documents confirming the birth of children in marriage (original certificates);
4. Documents confirming the place of residence of the children and the respondent spouse (for example, a certificate of family composition from the house management);
5. The passport of the spouse applying to the court or a power of attorney on his behalf to represent his interests by another person;
6. Certificates confirming the earnings of the defendant spouse, if the process will consider the issue of collecting funds for the maintenance of children or a spouse;
7. Notarized agreements on children, on the division of property, the spouse’s consent to divorce, if any;
8. Marriage agreement, if any;
9. Documentation on the assessment of the disputed property if it is necessary to consider property issues;
10. A document confirming payment of the duty to the budget.

How to introduce children to family changes

In any case, it is a stressful situation for a child when mom or dad are not around. If there were no fights or scandals before his eyes, if there was no opportunity to take someone’s side, he loves both equally. Teenagers usually have an aggressive attitude towards divorce; they do not understand why adults cannot reconcile. Psychologists advise gradually preparing children for the idea: now they will have to live separately.

Only unreasonable mothers try to tarnish the image of the father and pour negativity on the fragile psyche of the child. All parties will benefit if education is carried out jointly, in concert, and financial problems are resolved in a timely manner. In no case should you take your attitude towards your ex-husband out on your son or daughter because of their blood relationship. The child will have a desire to stay at home less. Evil tends to return. There are so many examples when not only marriage relationships fall apart, but also mutual understanding with a teenager. In the soul of an adult, there will forever be a bloody mark from the divorce of his parents.

Features of the division of property in the presence of a mortgage

Russian legislation establishes equal rights for a husband and wife to a share of real estate acquired during the period of cohabitation. Mortgage housing is included in the list of property subject to division after the breakup of a family.

Most often, when applying for a loan for an apartment, spouses act as co-borrowers, registering half of the property each. Upon divorce, former partners divide the mortgage through the federal (district) court.

Options for decisions based on the results of the procedural proceedings:

1. Credit obligations and ownership of mortgage housing are transferred to one spouse. The other party receives financial compensation.
2. The husband or wife is offered to give up the apartment with reimbursement of expenses.
3. If the mortgage and property are registered to one person, the costs of repaying the debt are divided equally between the partners, etc.

Mortgage payments continue during the trial. Half of the amount is collected forcibly from the evading spouse.

Do you need help

Depression always sets in after a divorce. This is understandable. Previously, he brought money home, and you spent it on the needs of the family. Now this won't happen. If your ex is a decent person, you will receive alimony. But money can spoil even the best person. Previously, you had support and support. Now she's gone. There is no need for unnecessary hysterics, but calling and whining to your friends is not weakness.

And it’s better not to even call and cry into the phone. It’s better to invite old friends over or go somewhere. Why do you need friends at all? And don’t forget – it’s only the first few months that are difficult , then life either gets better or goes completely down the drain. If you switch to new acquaintances, the likelihood of following the first path increases noticeably.

If you take the second path, run to a psychologist. There is no need to be afraid of them. It would be better to even find yourself a scarier shrink. Let him rummage around in your head, find the source of the problem and tear it out by the roots. Don't save money. There is no need to go to fortune tellers, psychics and other charlatans. Your solution is a psychologist with good practice.

It's none of your business

You are now not one whole. You used to listen to all his long stories about his plans, worries and hobbies. But now everything has changed. You don't need this anymore. No, of course, you can call a couple of times a month and chat a little. If you still have some common hobbies, you can also maintain communication. But everyone will write messages on social networks about all sorts of nonsense - feel free to blacklist them. Will he ask why? And not why, just like that. It's none of his business. Now you are not on the same path, your paths have diverged. He now has his own path, and you have yours. Remind him of this often.