Emotions aside - reasons for divorce in the statement of claim

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Published: 10/23/2016

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The wedding scenario is approximately the same for all happy couples.

The same cannot be said about divorce proceedings.

Former spouses cannot even explain to themselves the reason for the separation, but it must be indicated in the divorce application. And for the court there is no argument “love has passed.” How to file a claim without emotions according to the letter of the law?

• Divorce from a legal point of view
• Reasons for divorce in statements of claim Personal motives
• Is it worth disclosing the fact of betrayal?
• Intimate question
• Iceberg of everyday life
• Financial difficulties

Opportunity to meet the right person

People do not always decide to divorce because their partner beats, drinks, cheats, or commits other unacceptable acts. It happens that everything seems to be fine, but there is still no happiness. And the person next to you cannot be called bad, he’s just not the same.

Men in this situation are more decisive, although they usually leave when they already find someone on the side. Women are afraid to admit to themselves that they made a mistake in their choice, and even if they understand this, they still expect the situation to change: they work on relationships, visit psychologists, and try to fall in love with their husband again.

There is nothing wrong with such behavior, in some cases it may work, but if the work has been done and there are no results, then at a certain point you need to stop and move on to more radical actions.

Pity for a partner can play a cruel joke here: you don’t want to offend him, the woman feels guilty for the lack of love. But you need to understand that a breakup is inevitable. It can be postponed, but in the end, someone will still meet on her way and turn her head. He won’t necessarily be the one, but it’s still fairer to your husband to leave him not because a replacement has been found.

How to keep the reason for divorce secret from third parties

The law provides for the possibility of filing a petition to consider a claim in a closed meeting. Experts recommend that all spouses take advantage of this opportunity when resolving controversial issues. If the other spouse objects to the divorce, the applicant must file a motion for closed process along with the statement of claim. Thus, the parties will be freed from the presence of third parties in the courtroom. The court will consider the petition and decide whether to grant it, in order to preserve the privacy of the parties' personal lives. A feature of a closed meeting is the removal of all persons not participating in the process, and even witnesses.

Confirmation of reasons

If desired (and if there is the appropriate opportunity), the plaintiff can attach a document confirming the presence of one or another reason. For example, he can provide a certificate from the Forensic Medical Examination (forensic medical examination) or from a narcologist about the registration of the spouse.

Consideration of the case in court

After the claim for termination of the marital relationship is submitted to the judicial authority, the judge reviews the submitted documentation and decides whether to initiate a civil case or not. When initiating a civil case, a court staff member (secretary of a precinct or meeting, or an assistant judge) calls the spouses into the process, where each of them argues in defense of their position and provides documents confirming/refusing this or that fact. The court, in turn, listens to the spouses (as well as third parties - if a petition was filed to summon them to the trial) and, after receiving the overall picture, decides whether to dissolve the marriage or give the spouses a period for reconciliation. If the judge decides to dissolve the marriage, then this is supported by a corresponding decision, which, after the deadline for appeal, comes into force.

Difficulties in preparing a divorce application

A competent formulation of the reasons for divorce is the success of a prompt resolution of the case without a long period for reconciliation, if you do not need it. After all, with reconciliation, the divorce process may drag on for another three months.

At the same time, plaintiffs often experience difficulties with the correctness and correctness of the wording of the divorce, including:

• the vagueness of the reasons why the court decides to give the spouses a period for reconciliation;
• their simplicity or rudeness, unacceptable in official documents;
• reluctance to disclose personal information, coupled with ignorance of the possibility of filing a motion to hold a closed meeting.

Lack of guarantees that you won’t have to change the “tough for soap”

Many people live by the principle “it’s better to have something inferior, but one that belongs to you.” Often this opinion is held by women with low self-esteem, who are sure that they do not deserve better and simply do not believe that family life with another man may not be such a hell.

Social pressure also plays a big role here. You can often hear phrases from women: “everyone cheats, some just hide it well”, “everyone lives like this”, “life has always been on women”, etc.

When you constantly hear this, you involuntarily begin to believe and reassure yourself: “if everyone lives like this, then why change anything? I know what to expect from this man, but what if another turns out to be even worse?!”

But the point is that this fear is unfounded. A large number of men are able to remain faithful and divide life in half or even take on most of it, it’s just that usually women living with such husbands consider all this to be the norm, so they don’t talk on every corner about how incredibly lucky they are.

Alcohol.

If we talk about alcoholism as such, this is the second most popular factor leading to divorce. Male alcoholism (and sometimes female alcoholism) ruins almost a third of Russian families.

Treatment of this disease is also practiced, but this is only a small percentage. Not every alcohol-dependent person is ready to consult a specialist with such a problem.

Many people don’t even suspect that they are sick – physically and psychologically. “I’m not an alcoholic, I was just celebrating a holiday” is the stock phrase of a lost person.

There are always reasons

It is impossible to go to bed as a person absolutely happy and filled with love, and wake up with a persistent desire to get a divorce. There is always a reason, it just may not be so obvious.

Women often make the same mistake - they begin to look for reasons in their partner, but it is not necessarily his fault. Over the course of life, people change, and even if in general there is harmony and mutual understanding in a relationship, you can “outgrow” your loved one, change your attitude towards certain things, or simply fall out of love.

Yes, you can work on relationships here too, but first you should find out the reason for the desire to get a divorce. Without this, even an experienced psychotherapist will not help save the marriage.

No conflict resolution

Renowned researcher John Gottman argues that it is not lack of communication that causes marriage breakdown. But rather, the lack of effective conflict resolution. Couples who have not developed a way to resolve differences without damaging the relationship end up avoiding disagreements and conflict. One or both became desperate. That there is no point in trying to resolve differences with your partner. It may be that one or both are simply avoiding conflict. Or one or both may view every conflict as a fight that can be won by bullying the other into submission. What matters is that someone gave up. Differences are submerged, leading to loss of respect, increasing distance and gradual withdrawal.

Change is not always bad

This fear is in many ways similar to the reluctance to change the “tough for soap.” Few people like change because it always involves risk. This also applies to relationships: a man has been well studied, you can predict how he will react to certain things, an approach to him has long been found.

When you change partners, all this will be new. And it is unknown how long it will take for a new person to become familiar and studied inside and out, and most importantly, whether he is suitable for the woman, and she for him.

But in life, changes happen constantly. They are inevitable, so even if fear is present, people still learn to adapt.

Divorce of spouses and reciprocity

The non-initiating spouse may be nearby and may quickly agree that divorce is the best option. Or he may resist. Claiming that a marriage can be saved. If only they'd try again. In some cases, the non-initiator is completely dumbfounded, claiming that they have an acceptable marriage.

The issue of reciprocity is very important because how it is resolved usually determines whether the divorce will be amicable or bitter.

I want to set the stage for a discussion about when you can say divorce is inevitable. My goal is to educate the oblivious spouse who is surprised by the divorce. Although the warning signs have been obvious for a long time. It is not my mission here to explore why marriages fail.

Our goal is to help people recognize warning signs as early as possible.

The property issue will not be resolved miraculously

It’s difficult to live together for several years and not buy anything except forks and spoons. As a rule, in addition to love, spouses are connected by a mortgage or other loans for expensive purchases. Dividing all this during a divorce is often inconvenient, it seems petty or unprofitable, but over time, the common property will only increase.

There is a nuance here - some banks try to protect themselves and, in the event of a divorce, offer spouses to repay the mortgage early. This is possible only in rare cases, so people, without a real opportunity to leave, are forced to live with each other while the loan is repaid. But if a husband and wife can afford to live separately, then it is better to take this chance and share an apartment after paying off the mortgage.

Romance outside of marriage

Empty marriages are very boring. Some couples compensate by investing themselves in their children. So child-oriented activities become the only content of family life. Others invest themselves in their careers. Working late every night. Therefore, time with others is kept to a minimum. And since emotional satisfaction is sought exclusively outside of marriage, the likelihood of romance increases on the side. Most of the cases I see in my practice start with colleagues who are interested and pleasant to talk to.

The right person will definitely meet

Since the post-war period, the idea has become firmly established in our heads that there are much fewer men than women. And although the situation has long changed, many continue to think this way. And if we add to this the stereotype, “the good ones are taken apart as puppies,” then the lady has practically no chance of meeting the right one after a divorce. Unless it will be a widower or the same “divorcee”.

A man who has not started a family before the age of 30, has never been married and has not been in a serious relationship, is perceived by society as defective. Yes, among these there are adherents from whom women simply run away, but there may be other reasons. For example, a person worked a lot and had no time to have affairs. Or he didn’t meet the right lady for him, but he didn’t want to indulge in affairs.

It is believed that demandingness is inherent in women, and for representatives of the stronger sex it does not matter at all what the chosen one looks like and what qualities she has, the main thing is that she cooks and keeps the house clean. But in reality this is not the case.

Because of the fear of not meeting the right person or being late in making an acquaintance, women often continue to be in destructive relationships and dream of “breaking out.” Is it normal to feel this way about your life? Of course not. Marriage should not be a burden or be associated with prison.

Main reasons for justifying divorce

Thanks to clear and specific formulations of the reasons for divorce in the statement of claim, the interested spouse can achieve a significant change in the period for reconciliation towards its reduction or even the judge’s refusal to grant it.

To avoid difficulties in drawing up the correct wording, you must adhere to the following rules:

• Avoiding any emotion in her text.
• Prohibition on the use of slang and colloquial words.
• It should be concise and not overloaded with excessive details.
• You need to use words that clearly describe the situation and avoid being vague in your text.

Below are examples of the wording of the most common reasons for divorce.

Cheating on one of the spouses

According to statistical information, 19% of marriages cease to exist due to infidelity. In terms of frequency of mention, this basis for annulment of marriage is in 2nd place.

There is no need to describe in the claim document all the details that became known to the applicant about the infidelity of another participant in the marriage. It is enough to refer to the fact of the spouse’s infidelity. It will be very helpful if the plaintiff’s words at the meeting are confirmed by witnesses.

As an example, here are the 2 most typical formulations used by applicants:

1. The husband (wife) does not even think about giving up accusations of infidelity. This circumstance is an obstacle to the continuation of family life, since it has no further meaning.
2. I caught my husband (wife) cheating. He (she) does not deny this fact. I see no point in continuing the marital relationship.

Confirmed cases of physical violence

In the application you need to write the following sample wording: “My husband has repeatedly used physical violence against me. The child sees the spouse’s inappropriate behavior, and this circumstance negatively affects his psychological well-being.”

To achieve an immediate divorce at the first meeting, words alone will not be enough. It will be necessary to collect evidence proving the inappropriate behavior of the spouse. Such evidence is considered:

• Witness's testimonies.
• A document from the medical organization where the victim was examined for beatings.
• Materials from the police, for example, from an instituted criminal case, or a statement from the injured spouse, or an extract from the duty officer’s log about calling a warrant to the house.
• Documents from a narcologist or psychiatrist, if the husband (wife) is registered with one of them.

Personal motives

Currently, according to statistics, they are the leaders among all reasons for divorce. They account for about 40% of completed marital relationships.

Personal reasons for divorce in a statement of claim are usually:

1. Dislike for the other spouse.
2. Fading feeling of love for husband (wife).
3. Loss of respect for your spouse.
4. Persistent pushing by the husband (wife) of his views on family relationships.

5. 
   Differences in character and worldview. For example, the husband is an active person with a sought-after profession, wants to work in a foreign company and intends to submit an application for a work visa. At the same time, the wife is passive by nature and is content with little, so she does not want to change her life and go abroad with her husband.

6. Exposing deception, for example, when a woman deliberately became pregnant before marriage in order to force a man to marry her.

Standard formulations used by applicants to justify the grounds for divorce include:

• I have lost love and respect for my husband (wife), which are the basis of family relationships. I believe that further life together is impossible.
• I have a deep dislike for my spouse and believe that this circumstance is a serious obstacle to continuing the relationship.
• The unwillingness to give in and find a compromise forces me to demand a divorce.
• The fading of mutual feelings led to the fact that we decided to end the marital relationship.
• My husband and I look at the problems of raising our children differently. Continuing married life, in my opinion, will negatively affect the development of the child.

Domestic disagreements

These reasons include:

1. Addiction to alcohol or drugs.
2. Excessive waste of time on computer games.
3. Addiction to gambling and sports betting.
4. A frivolous attitude towards common property, expressed in an unwillingness to monitor its condition and repair it if necessary.
5. Behavior that is contrary to moral standards.
6. Reluctance to help your spouse at home and take on some of the household responsibilities.

The reasons for the end of the marriage relationship and the corresponding phrases that the applicants write in the claim document are reflected in the table.

Material bases

Most often, the applicant indicates financial difficulties as a reason if:

• 
  The marriage partner does not contribute to the overall budget due to lack of work or due to a simple reluctance to make money in other ways.

• The spouse does not provide even the minimum needs of family members.
• The spouse, due to personality traits or addiction, wastes the money he earns.

The problem can be formulated in the claim document in the following ways:

1. The husband does not want to work and does not make any effort to find income. Thus, he puts his wife and children in a difficult financial situation. I insist on ending the marital relationship.
2. The spouse is overly passionate about (insert the name of the hobby) and spends most of the money he earns on it. This leads to the fact that the remaining finances are not enough to cover the needs of family members. I consider such behavior irresponsible and threatening the financial well-being of the family. I insist on divorce.

Children won't say thank you

A common reason not to file for divorce is having children together. It seems to parents that by their actions they will ruin the child’s life, break his psyche, and make him doubt the institution of marriage. But the significance of the stamp in the parents’ passport is greatly exaggerated.

If a father really loves his children, he will spend time with them and raise them, even while living in another city. Fears that a man will forget about the child immediately after leaving the registry office free only indicate that he is a bad father. And even if he lived with his family under the same roof, he would not have become a good dad.

Often parents, having sacrificed personal happiness for the sake of their children, subsequently begin to manipulate this. One can only imagine how a grown-up child feels when he is made to understand that mom and dad could have lived happily apart from each other if he had not been born.

Divorce from a legal point of view

In the application for divorce, the plaintiff must state the reason for his decision in such a wording that the court accepts and considers his motive sufficient.

The law allows you to indicate any circumstances due to which the marriage cannot continue.

Any reason is considered by the court on a legal level, because the process

divorce directly affects the interests of the joint child (if there is one) and the property rights of all parties. Therefore, the banal “they couldn’t get along” will be carefully considered by the judge from a legal position.

The judge is not a family psychologist, but is obliged to comply with the Family Code of the Russian Federation, which prescribes giving spouses time to establish relationships - no more than three months. If reconciliation does not occur during this time, the divorce process will continue and end with the dissolution of the marriage union.

By and large, the reasons for divorce do not affect the course of the court case if they are related to everyday life. If the spouses have made a common decision to “put an end to” family life, the reason may not be indicated. Otherwise, the plaintiff is obliged to tell the court about the “painful issue.”

The law allows unilateral divorce of a marriage without the consent of the defendant in the following cases (IC Article 19):

• one of the spouses was sentenced to serve a prison sentence for more than 3 years;
• one of the spouses was declared missing in court;
• one of the spouses is declared incompetent.

Each of the above facts can serve as grounds for divorce without identifying other reasons.

The union can be dissolved at the registry office even if there are minor children together.

Regardless of the reasons, a divorce is formalized by making an appropriate entry in the book by registry office specialists or by court decision.

Fear of loneliness

Women have been frightened since childhood by the prospect of living with 40 cats. But if you think about it, what's the big deal? If a lady is able to provide for such a number of animals, then she makes good money. Introverts will confirm that loneliness is not always destructive. If it’s worse with someone than without him, then the choice is obvious.

Strong arguments to divorce your husband or wife in court

The process of dissolving a marriage through the court is longer than through the registry office, since it is necessary to collect all the necessary documents and write an application.

Read about the time frame for divorce through the registry office and the court here.

Typically, a divorce is filed through the court if:

1. The spouses have children who have not reached adulthood.
2. There is no consent of the second spouse for divorce.
3. One of the spouses refuses to appear at the registry office.

We talked about the nuances of divorce in the registry office and court, in the presence of minor children, in a separate article, and about how to get a divorce if one of the parties cannot or does not want to be present at the divorce, read here.

During a divorce through the court, you can resolve issues such as:

• the question of the future place of residence of children and their upbringing;
• the issue of division of property;
• the amount of child support paid.

From our special publications, you can also learn about the nuances of divorce when:

• wife is pregnant;
• there are common children and property disputes;
• one of the spouses is serving a sentence in prison.

Grounds for unilateral divorce

You can get a divorce unilaterally, without taking into account the opinion of your spouse, who:

1. Declared missing or incompetent.
2. Convicted of a crime for a term of three years.

This right is guaranteed by Art. 19 RF IC. You need to obtain a copy of the court decision or sentence and submit an application to the registry office in form No. 11. The certificate will be issued in a month. The convicted spouse is sent a notice within three days after receipt of the application indicating the date of termination. Until this time, he must inform what surname will remain with him after the divorce. The same applies to incapacitated people, but guardians perform all actions for them.